My Speech - Anna and Clive's wedding 3rd May 2003


Thank you Ian, thank you Clive.

Firstly I must respond on behalf of the bridesmaids, Lisa you have been a wonderful maid of honour, and you've done your big sister proud. Jo, Hannah and Esther, I can see why Anna has chosen you to be her bridesmaids as you all look fabulous in those dresses. Thank you to Calum for your wonderful job of being the ring bearer, all be it for such a short journey up the aisle!

The first thing I knew about Clive was when Anna told me that she had met some bloke off the internet. I felt at least slightly responsible since I had sold her the computer and connected it to the internet for her only a few months previously. Little did I know the consequences of passing my old computer onto her. ANYWAY Anna was planning to go on a canoeing holiday in France and had asked the Internet to provide a man who liked adventurous holidays and along came Clive. Only this week Clive told me that a canoeing holiday was not exactly what he had in mind when he first replied, but when he met Anna he knew this could be the start of a big adventure indeed.

Clive is a man of character. Anna's favourite way of describing him is to say that for Clive 'Every Day is Christmas Day'. What this means is that Clive lives every day to the full, never lets the troubles of yesterday affect today and that he approaches the task in hand with single-minded enthusiasm. This is demonstrated on the rare occasions when Clive has a new hobby, he will do the research, buy the magazines, quiz his friends, search the internet, buy the tools, in fact everything in order to excel at today's chosen activity. Whilst Anna is the first to admit that there are small downsides to Clive's unbounded enthusiasm, everyone will agree that Clive has lots of character.

Clive has been in the Supermarket business since starting as a mere produce boy at the tender age of 16. He has now worked his way up to be a store manager for Somerfields in Sleaford (Everyone laughs for some reason). on the evening when he first met Anna he was so keen to impress her that he promoted himself one step up the management ladder to become a Divisional Executive. He also managed to borrow the BMW of his boss in order to authenticate the illusion. I am sure that Anna saw straight through Clive's showmanship and was impressed by the real Clive.

A little over a year ago Clive took Anna away for a short break in a part of the county which is very special to her, the Gower Peninsular. Anna had no suspicions about the true motive for the trip even though the break fell on February the 14th. During a three course meal in the hotel that evening, the Head waiter brought out a large silver platter with the ring and Clive proposed. It seems that the whole hotel had known about the plan and the local paper was there to cover the event. Both Anna and Clive were minor celebrities as they completed their holiday as lots of people recognised them from the paper.

I was caught unawares one evening towards the end of last year as I was having a quiet drink with Clive and Anna. Clive said that he had a special question to ask me. Initially I wondered if it was my turn to buy the drinks until Clive asked me to be his best man. At the time it seemed easier to accept than going to the bar so with thoughts in my head of “How difficult can it be”, I accepted. I later realised they had not been joking when I opening my Christmas presents to reveal a book from Clive and Anna on ‘The duties of a best man’. I kept this book by the side of the bed from quiet a few months hoping that the information in it would magically enter my brain. After this failed and I had finishing reading War and Peace I decided that I ought to read it and make some attempt at a speech. You are now hearing the results of many hours staring at a blank computer screen.

A few weeks ago a band of gentlemen were assembled to perform the ritual of the stag weekend. Clive and I had come up with various different ideas involving all sorts of adventurous activities in different parts of the county when we eventually decided to climb the two highest mountains in England in one day. Together with a group of various friends we accomplished this task, however the undertaking was so exhausting that when it came to Saturday evening all we could think of was a nice warm bath and a mug of horlicks. I have to say that is the story that we all agreed on at the time and I am sticking to it. However the full details of the evening activities will be posted on the Internet later on my web site at

Anna, can I just say that you are looking radiant today. Anna has been looking forward to this day for a quite a while and I have I say that it gives me great pleasure to be involved on her big day. I have been fortunate enough to have been good friends with Anna for over fifteen years. I first met Anna when she came to help me run a scout troop in Breadsall Village and from there she has been involved with the scouting movement for a number of years. Her job is as a special care baby nurse and involves her looking after very special little people. She has been practising at being a home-maker for very many years and now she has found the prefect partner. In the future let us hope that they will have some little people of their own to make their home complete.

My throat was dry at the start of this speech, and it is even drier now, it seems to be urging me to take another drink. I have always been advised never to drink alone, so please rise and join me in drinking a toast to the bride and groom, The bride and groom. Drink!!!

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